Going into 2020, I was priming and ready for the BEST YEAR EVER to start off the BEST DECADE EVER!
The emotions and thoughts going through my mind were…
EXCITEMENT- “It’s a new century and I’m ready to apply everything I’ve learned in the last decade into this decade and thrive in my relationships, life, and in my business!”
GRATITUDE- “I’m so fortunate to be alive and get to experience a whole new year! I’m going to make sure I take full advantage of it!”
CONFIDENCE- “You won’t be ready for me 2020!!! I’m coming in hottttt and you won’t be able to touch me”
Then it happened….
Right when I least expected it…
2020 slapped me with the SUPER FLU and I spiraled into a bout of DEPRESSION.
It started with some random sneezes, fatigue, and coughing. At the onset of these symptoms, I was determined to stay on track towards the best start to the new year. Despite the obvious signs of sickness, I went running and did yoga on New Year’s Day just to show my body that I was in control.
A few days after that, I continued to push my body to do physical exercise even though my body was yearning for rest. I prescripted myself movement to heal including sweating out the sickness by attending a hot yoga class. After class I felt like a unicorn- proud that I made it through a 1 hour yoga class in a blazing hot room of 102°F. I was so proud that I took a selfie on the bus home to commemorate the moment. I went to sleep elated with joy that I beat my sickness!
Boooyyyyyyyy was I wrong….
The next week and a half, I was taken over by high fevers, body chills, mucus filled coughs (I know… GROSS), and my mind was clouded by all the Dayquil and Nightquil that I could consume. I even took Nightquil during the day in hopes to sleep it all off.
All through the sickness the emotions and thoughts going through my mind were…
GUILT- “Damn… Cat, you should have taken better care of yourself- taking more vitamins, exercising more regularly, and eating healthier.”
SHAME- “Now, your putting extra strain on Willem to take care of you because you can’t take care of yourself.”
SELF LOATHING- “You are soooo weak. It’s now been 2.5 weeks worth of sickness and you still can’t beat this. I guess your mind isn’t stronger than your body after all. YOU ARE WEAK.”
After sulking in these thoughts, I quickly spiraled into a depressive and hopeless state. In the past, I would push these thoughts aside and push myself to feel better. This time I chose the path less traveled and decided to sit in it.
I stopped pushing myself and actually listened to the pain I was feeling not only in my body but also in my heart.
I acknowledged that my body was crying out for help and needed rest and TLC (tender loving care).
I leaned on my partner, Willem, and started replacing feelings of shame with overwhelming gratitude.
I let go and allowed myself to cry so that I could release all the other worries, doubts, and fears that were running through my mind and blocking me from truly living.
I changed my narrative from “You’re weak.” to “You’re body is strong and signaling you to slow down.”
I allowed myself to PURGE.
PURGE the trauma, sadness, and pain that I have been hiding from.
PURGE the anger, frustration, and hurt that I have ignored.
PURGE the moments, memories, and instances that I locked away in a vault in fear of the backlash I’d receive from revisiting them again.
I needed to cleanse and when I didn’t listen to my body. My body yelled out in the form of a flu and a bout of depression.
I knew 2020 would be my best year ever and so far it has been. It came with the most unexpected gift- a 20 day cleanse towards health, happiness, and a fuller heart.
I’ve learned a lot in 2020 and here are the top 3 gifts that I would like to pass to you-
LISTEN- Your body knows exactly what you need. Listen carefully to what it is asking for and give it what it needs. Be open to what it asks for whether it be movement, tender loving care, fresh air, good food, and/or rest.
SURRENDER- If you are the type of person that runs away at the sight of sadness, take the road less travelled and sit in your feelings. Ask for support from people you love and professionals (therapists and coaches) to help you decipher the pain and trauma.
PURGE- Once you’ve felt the emotions, have talked through the pain, and have come to a space of peace. LET IT GO. Take in the feeling of being weightless. Expand. Open up. There is so much good that is ready to pour in.
I'm sending you all love and light as you embark on a new decade!
💛,
Your Love Coach Cat
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