It’s July 2019.
It’s a beautiful, sunny day and I am on a sailing boat in the middle of the San Francisco Bay with my Yachting Yogis group. We have just finished our hour long yoga and transitioning into our hour long meditation. I was tired, not so much physically but emotionally and mentally.
My partner, at the time, and I were going back and forth deciding whether or not we were willing to keep trying in our relationship. I was determined we could make it work and he was unsure. There would be slight moments of hope and then a backlash of detachment. Everyday was a roulette.
Would he love me today or would he avoid me?
I started living in fear driven by uncertainty.
I began to be super critical of myself and my actions.
I started to take up less and less space in a desperate effort to preserve what we had.
Going into guided meditation, my heart was in pain. I was yearning to meditate to release and to find peace. I lay down, with a blanket on top of me and pillow under my head. Our guide prompts us to close our eyes and take deep breaths. Our journey begins.
At one point in the meditation, I am guided to open up a treasure chest… within the chest, I find nothing. It’s empty- a representation of the emptiness I felt waking up each day. I am filled with sadness, remorse, and anger.
I then hear the sound of our meditation guide, instructing us to come back. My mind knows it’s time to move my fingers, legs, and and open up my eyes, yet I cannot do it.
Instead my heart is the heaviest it has felt. So heavy that it glued me to the floor of the boat.
I couldn’t move.
My throat was constricted.
It was hard to breathe.
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t ask for help.
With my eyes still closed, tears began to roll down my eyes uncontrollably.
I felt helpless.
Then I felt someone hold my hand. It is our meditation guide. He tells me to breathe deeply… to let it out… and that everything is going to be ok.
With his support, I release the pain and continue to cry. I slowly began to trust that this too shall pass. My heart begins to lighten up, enough so that I had control of my body once again.
I slowly open my eyes and I am taken aback by the brightness of the sky.
At that moment, I felt peace and an overwhelming trust that what is meant to be will be.
Fast forward to February 2020.
I am no longer in a relationship where I am driven by fear. I chose to love myself more than the vision that I held of the future with my now ex.
I am in a relationship that is driven by unconditional love. It’s beautiful. It’s transformative. It’s powerful.
I am deeper in my meditation practice and have increased my level of consciousness.
I understand that I am not alone when I’m meditating and that my ancestors and spiritual guides are with me.
I am open to receiving the messages I need to hear.I am willing and unafraid to share those messages with the world.
As I meditated early this morning, I was called to write about this experience and share it with you.
Wherever you are on your journey, know that you are loved and you are not alone.
It took a painful heartbreak for me to truly understand this. There are forms of healing out there that can ease the pain and eventually heal it.
Meditation was one of many modalities I used to heal and step back into my own power again.
Whatever heartbreak you are going through, whether it’s from a romantic relationship, grieving a loved one, or feeling lost in your purpose.
Everything is going to be ok.
I am sending you love and light.
💛✨
I am here for you,
Love Coach Cat
Note: Pictures are from another meditative sail. Photos are taken by the amazing Carmina Bioc. Follow her art on instagram: @thecommonletters
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